Schizophrenia

We two sisters or you can say friends in fact best of buddies kept always giggling even if there was violence all around our surrounding. Relationship between my Parents was sour from the beginning and despite all our sorrows, fears, anguish, we sisters used to live our life to the fullest.

Winters were our favorite when we used to lazily lay on our terrace getting tanned under the sun, giggling, playing, fighting , drawing weird faces. My elder sister was not only great in looks with her brown eyes, silky hair, pink cheeks but she was an all-rounder- good in sports, great in studies and best in extra curricular activities and was a bright student. Everyone was so fond of her back then and I used to be a big big fan during our school days and wherever she goes I was just her Vodafone dog- I used to follow her.

When my parents set bad example to us as elders, she was the only person I looked upon to.

Let me share with you a funny incident of me being her biggest follower -Once I killed a small lizard, she said Lord Brahma will be angry now and the whole world will be destroyed because of you. So you have to do Tapasya/Sadhana with one leg stand the whole day. I was so gullible as a kid , may be now too as I carry the same trait(at least my friends say that to me ) that I actually did one leg stand Tapasya the whole day till my mom arrived from school at 4pm . Tears were flowing down and that devil was laughing and completed her homework on time while I was doing the Tapasya to save the world- hahaha. Now when i think of it, i just have the memories to cherish.

Here is an old picture of my gorgeous sister as a kid .

I was happiest then with her, she was my confidant, my sweetheart until she reached 18 years of age. I am 2.5 years younger to her. God could not stand the only happiness I had. In addition to already worse situation at home due to my father, My elder sister was diagnosed with schizophrenia in 2006.

From 2006 till today the journey with her had been absolutely tough , tiring, frustrating. I was experiencing these range of emotions from incredulity to ire to infirmity while accepting the truth that my sister is no more my same sister whom I adored the most. She is “Changed”

Back then no one was aware of this disease. I could not understand why she is behaving suddenly weird. Today she is good, the next day she behaved like crazy. she started spending more time in bathroom, talking to herself, laughing in the middle of the night, abusing . She had severe hallucinations. My father used to beat her because he thought she is just acting in order to avoid studies. I was praying God to save my mom from my father and now save my sister from him but never ever any prayers were answered.

So many horrible incidents has happened all these years. It feels like that family is cursed. She is not the same person anymore. She has developed a tendency to quit everything she starts now.

My parents thought marriage will change her life as she will get a different environment. She got married in 2016. As of present age , her relationship with her husband is also sour and it is almost finished. Though my father has passed away, me and my mom(mostly her) has been tolerating all her mood swings and still never forget to do our duty and stand strong. All the relatives , neighbours kept on gossiping about our family , about my sister, her failed career, failed marriage and has given her a tag of “Mental/cracked”.

But I believe, she is a fighter. Despite all the challenges she faces in day to day life, despite her bad bad mood swings, her violent behaviour, her incapability to understand human emotions, feelings, she is pushing herself to become a better version of herself. I would not wish that bad fate even for my worst of enemies, what my sister is going through.

According to the experts/doctors this disorder can be controlled to some extent by medicines, therapy like music therapy, exercise, good diet , supportive families, unconditional love for the loved one blah blah but believe me I have been a witness for all these years and not all the time the patient agrees to cooperate and it is hell of a task to convince them to take medicines or do the needful. The condition worsens if the patient do not take medicines regularly and those medicines have huge side effects like obesity, high BP, nausea, vomiting, high sugar and loads of other things and if you suddenly leave the medicines, the impact is another level. Also the treatment in India is very expensive. In nutshell, living with them becomes living hell.

A small blog or a write up cannot describe the painful memories of all these years but yes it is just a way to reach out to all those who have their dear ones affected by some or the other mental disorders- “Just hang in there”. Set up the boundaries and take care of your own mental health as well while trying to support your loved ones. This life has been given to us once- we should never forget to live while we are alive. With love, patience, trust not everything can be fixed but at least something worse can be better and this world can be a better place to live.

My heart reaches out to all of you who is reading this blog of mine and wants to express this feeling that — “We are braver than we believe, We are stronger than we seem and We are smarter than we think”.

Only thing I would say to those affected by the intellectual challenges — “May the force be with you”

Thanks for reading this article. 💚

If you have any questions or if you wanna talk with me, feel free to contact me. I am available at trainbuddy.feedback@gmail.com.